I’m a little (okay a lot) afraid I’d end up making naming statements in a conversation like you describe: “You’re _______.” (I’m not saying you do this! It’s a fear I have about myself.) I felt like I had sin labels thrown at me growing up, and they didn’t help me develop an understanding of myself and my motives. They tended to confuse and hurt. I’m sure there’s a way to have a conversation like that that’s productive, though.

One of the things I like about ‘Boundaries with Kids’ is that it leaves the child’s heart their problem. My job as a parent is to give a warning, then follow through if they decide to cross a boundary anyway. They suffer consequences for their decision, and it’s up to them to reflect on why they made the decision. I don’t have lots of experience with children other than my own, but I find them to be pretty astute little people when it comes to knowing their own hearts.

I agree about articulating biblical principles and stories as we live our lives. Umbrella questions like “WWJD?” don’t work much better for children than they do for adults! I remember a few months back listening to my girls discussing the messy room they’d just been asked to clean up. They’d received a WWJD bracelet as a prize for something in Sunday school. The older one wondered aloud, “What would Jesus do if he saw this room?”

“He would discipline us!” said the younger one.

“Or… he might ask the angels to help him,” said the older one.

You might already know about this book, but a helpful resource for me over the years has been For Instruction in Righteousness: A Topical Reference Guide for Biblical Child Training by Pam Forster.

After figuring out in your own mind which bottom-line sin was committed (pride, greed, laziness, revenge, etc.), this book then lists Scriptural references for those sins and some potential consequences.

I really try to point out to the child what the Bible says about their specific disobedience — “You must not hurt your sister because the Bible says ‘Love is kind,’ and what you did was not kind.” Or, “You must not hurt your sister because the Bible says ‘Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity.’” (I checked Strong’s Exhausting Concordance and verified that the Hebrew word there for “brothers” is a primary word used in the widest sense of literal relationship and metaphorical affinity or resemblance, i.e., it can also be translated “another” or “kindred”).

Pam Forster’s book not only helps with the the Scriptural “why?” behind the sin, but also with the “what now?” consequences.

Have a great day!
Lezlie